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Eating habits and conflicts



Love goes through the stomach – Cooking and eating together are integral parts of a relationship. They go Eating habits This can happen in a relationship that is far apart, for example because one of the partners wants to lose weight or follows a certain diet such as Paleo, a ketogenic diet or a vegan diet The conflict lead. How do you deal with it if Meals become a controversial topic and how can compromises be found?

How diet affects relationships

Essen is more than just eating food. Eating meals together, sitting together, eating in company and communicating at the same time are one social act. The exchange about the day often takes place while eating; Cooking together and letting each other try something from the plate can be one Inspire relationship.

Just as food can be good for a relationship, it can also be harmful: According to a study by the dating portal, elite partners argue 13 percent of German couples because of their Eating habits. Another study by the portal states that couples in which eating and cooking together are important parts of the partnership do so several times sex per week have. One would think that if your eating habits are right, your relationship is also right.

In fact, the influence of eating together in a relationship can also be observed in a less pleasant way: As a study by German researchers shows, couples gain weight as soon as they move in together. The Weight gain is probably due to the fact that the relationship also changes Change eating habits. This is also supported by the fact that partners are looking for one separation again lose weight.

Typical conflicts around food

Are the Food preferences very different in a relationship, this can lead to conflict. This is demonstrated by the fact that many online dating portals have now included diet in their profile. In addition to musical preferences, political interests and sporting hobbies, the question “vegan/vegetarian” is also regularly answered here.

You are what you eat

In and of itself, it shouldn’t be a big issue if two partners each cook their own soup – one in chicken broth, the other with diced vegetables. However, it is often the case that just when… ethical aspects in the background one Diet whose followers also define themselves very much by their diet. For most vegans, it’s not just about the taste, it’s about theirs ethical values. Unlike taste, this is (unfortunately) debatable because it is central combine basic ethical values and determine our relationships, be it with friends or partners. The partner’s meat consumption is then considered as Value difference experienced. At the same time, this difference makes common activities such as going out to eat, cooking together, etc. more difficult.

It looks different when the partner ketogenic nourished, but we absolutely don’t want to or can’t do without our carbohydrates. There is less often an ethical conviction behind this, which means that both partners may feel neglected and not taken seriously enough. “Our ketogenic partner spoils the fun of eating!” vs. “Our non-ketogenic partner constantly tempts us with snacks!”. This is where it helps to get in touch to practice tolerance and to ask ourselves why the other person’s behavior upsets us so much.

“I know people like that Conflicts from my own relationship,” says coach Simone dos Santos in the PRIME TIME fitness interview, “my husband likes to cook in the evenings and we therefore always eat relatively late. I actually feel the need to eat dinner earlier, i.e. before 6 p.m. There is my husband’s need to stick to his favorite habits and my need for health contradiction to each other.”


“Unite when it comes to different eating habits Compromise to find, for example. “It could be that you take turns cooking or go out to eat more often,” says Simone dos Santos, “I like it not always what my husband cooks, but I eat it anyway. If it’s not mine at all The taste corresponds, then he sits in front of his noodles and I order my sushi because me after that and no one is mad at the other. It’s important to stay true to yourself. To be authentic and not bend over backwards just to please the other person supposed Fallen to do.”

1 The middle ground

Our partner decides vegan a possible solution could be, too less meat consumption to pass over. Hardly anyone becomes vegan from one day to the next, which means a compromise could lead to a common development less meat be. Both partners can take the path to a vegan diet together, even if only one of them may go all the way to the end.

2 separate pots

Some couples sleep in separate beds, others cooking with separate pots – if for different diets Absolutely no compromise wants to be found, for example because our partner ketogenic diet and we have to deal with severe side effects with this diet, the only thing that might help is to use separate pots. The good news: most radical diets at least have something in common with other diets. Let’s take this for example ketogenic diet of our partner, we could add supplements here ketogenic main meal cook. Have it the other way around ketogenic and omnivorous partners at least the vegetarian side dish as the lowest common denominator.

3 Joint activities around food

Just because ours Essen is different from that of our partner, it does not mean that we cannot prepare and enjoy our food together. Food is an important part of a relationship, so we should taste does not depend on different eating habits be banned from eating together.

Why are we even arguing?

The various solution strategies show it: if we stay on a purely factual level, nutritional conflicts can be solved quite easily. We don’t know why we still have such a hard time with it Expertin Simone dos Santos.

“If two partners argue because of their eating habits, I would like to ask a question,” says coach Simone dos Santos, “w“Why does it bother me if my partner wants to go vegan?” In a restaurant it doesn’t bother us if we order different things. For more precise coaching I would of course have to have more background knowledge and that know the whole story, but a first tip in advance: usually it’s about one the intrapersonali.e. by an inext
Conflictwhich is in the Conflict of essence manifested. The underlying needs must So be found out in the first step.”

Most of the time there is something behind our superficial arguments deeper conflict: In couples therapy, it is assumed that we are looking for what our own parents could not give us in a relationship. In a sense, we are constantly trying to compensate for one of our own shortcomings in our partnership – at least if we haven’t consciously dealt with our problems and weaknesses at some point. The best Basis for a relationship is love for ourselves.

How to avoid fighting over food

Simone dos Santos knows how to prevent arguments about different eating habits: “I come from the NVC – of non-violent communication to Marshall Rosenberg. You can achieve clarity here by following the steps:

1. Step: Observation (What exactly happened? Without judging)
2. Step: Feeling (What feeling does it make me feel?) There is something behind a feeling
unmet need
3. Step: need
4. Step: Wish/Request

From my personal perspective, there actually is no reason to argue. But of course arguments arise when my partner demands that I fulfill his needs. If there is a lack of mutual respect and understanding for the other person, conflict inevitably arises. As mentioned, the topic of “food” is usually only superficial here and the underlying sources need to be eroded, what lies hidden.”

What do I do if I’m seriously concerned about my partner’s eating habits?

We are not always “just” annoyed by them Behaviors of our partner. Sometimes we also have serious concerns, for example if we fear that our partner could slip into an eating disorder or something similar. In this case, too, it helps to talk openly.
“When you have fears and anxieties, it’s best to talk about them,” says Simone dos Santos, “eExplain to your counterpart what yours are Fears are for example “I’m worried that you don’t have enough vitamins and minerals,
“Take iron.”

Away from the allegations and the Wishto change your partner towards open communication, your own subjects and Injuries: this makes it easier to find solutions to relationship problems. Whether on the plate or elsewhere.

How do I deal with different eating habits as a couple?

Those who are satisfied with themselves can also be more generous towards others. The best solution in Dealing with conflicts around nutrition is therefore to first come to terms with yourself. To be more specific: For example, it says Veganism between us and our partner, both partners should think specifically about what exactly bothers them about the other’s behavior. “Why do I have a problem with my partner not wanting to give up animal products? If I act out of conviction, how can his behavior change my attitude?” The other way around, we should think of ourselves as omnivorer Partner ask why our partner’s vegan eating behavior triggers us. Is it the mirror that is being held up to us? Would we ourselves like to eat less meat because it fits better with our ethical convictions and do we end up being angry with ourselves for not being able to do it?

The fact is who us our partnership is really important, it is almost always worth getting to the bottom of a dispute so that it can be resolved. However, the prerequisite is that we look for the solution within ourselves and not in our partner.


Nutrition and everything that goes with it – cooking together, sharing a meal, sitting together – is an important part of a relationship. When a partner has his Diet habits changes, this can certainly lead to conflicts in the relationship. What helps then are Willingness to compromiset and a closer look at the inner attitude: What is it about our partner’s eating habits that bothers us? Is it really the eating behavior or is there something else behind it? Are we perhaps bothered by our own behavior? The more we get to know ourselves, the greater the chance of finding a compromise at the table, because one thing is clear: an intact relationship can achieve that Balancing act between steak and spinach.

If you have any questions about proper nutrition, feel free to talk to us. We are happy to help you, whether keto, vegan or vegetarian. On February 14th, 2022 you will find us on our YouTube channel Live-Webinar with coach Simone dos Santos on the topic of “eating habits and conflicts”.


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